• Ivy

Free of fears

Updated: Nov 2

In the several days of visit home I had fever, sinuses pain, allergies and then a migraine. Before that, I had an anxiety attack. I invited it. I fought. It exhausted me, obviously, but I think I am winning this one. May just be the first one. Go Ivy!

Did I get it? Have I overcome fears? No, of course not. I am winning one battle! Yet, yay me! I took a leap outside my comfort zone. Challenged every cell in me that wanted to stay in the dark. I was frightened. I kept my eyes open and jumped. And I saw light. Colors. I felt free. I flew.

I want to stay true to my newly discovered free-of-fears self. I am far from being free-free, but now I know I can be. I can fly!

One battle won’t win the war though. If I want this one won and over with, I have to get a lot better at fighting it. I already see the next challenge approaching, and I really want another victory. I want it. I think I’m ready.

I am strong

I hadn’t worked out for full nine days on my “sick leave”. I felt weak and stiff. I was really exhausted. But I am better now and back on my routine. I start to feel strong again. The “I am strong” feeling,  it sticks in your mind after a while. It helps with the fights you have there. I find it healing.

I observe

Now, as they come, I almost welcome fears. It’s an opportunity learn. Study them. Observe. Challenge them. Work with them while trying to stay calm and positive. Questioning every thought. Looking for possibilities instead of obstacles.

I choose how I look at fears

I know now. Fears, they are only imagination. My mind playing its games. They are not real. Like ghosts and witches, I am outgrowing fears now. They are the new monster under the bed. They are nothing but imagination. Just thoughts. I can do whatever I want with them. I don’t have to hook on every bad thought I have. Just let it pass my mind and go. I can hook on another one, brighter, happier. I can think about what I love to do instead. Visualize, daydream, plan... 

Even better, I will DO what I love to do, not just think about it. Even if I’m scared. Especially if I am.

My body reflects my thoughts

Again, my body will react to the fear. Stress. Fight or flight. The brain changes it’s chemistry, the hart pounds, thoughts go so wild it feels dizzy and it feels like I can’t breathe. You want to flee. But it’s only caused by that thought. An imaginary monster. Only after the mind convinces the body that there is no monster, the body stops reacting. The monster feeds on negative thoughts. So no more of that. What the monster fears is rational thinking.

Fear fears real questions.

It also fears “so what?” Really. Try asking a negative thought that, it leaves the head immediately. Coward.

I am present

Facing fears means being fully aware. Being present. Imagining bad scenarios or could haves and should haves is only overthinking what is not, what might have been. Presence means focusing on what is now. It means accepting and dealing with what IS.

I am patient

I am mindful, very observant, loving and patient as I learn. Because it is hard to start, but it’s even harder to go on. Being on your side every day (OK, almost every day). Being aware. Changing. Creating your better self. Standing up after you fall. Not letting go. Challenging yourself. Winning!

It’s not easy. Having a true and good life is not easy. But it is not hard either. It’s just living. It is doing the things you want to do and being the person you want to be.  Now. Always. 

It is living your own life. Being free. Flying. 

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